Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Random Memories

A close friend recently brought home a new baby and this has jogged my memory back to bringing-home-baby times. The way a new baby turns your life, your household and your brain upside down cannot be overstated. I remember how the slightest sound coming over the video monitor we had in Anna's room would wake me immediately, how I would fill with a million different and conflicting emotions every time she woke up. The thought yeay, my baby is awake and I get to hold her again and smell the top of her sweet little head would float around my mind at the same time as dammit I can't believe she won't let me sleep for two straight hours why can't she just be quiet for twenty more minutes? Love, joy, anticipation, dread, guilt - they all mixed together in the soup that had become my brain.

One night maybe a week or less after Anna came home I vividly remember laying in my dark bedroom hearing her cry and looking at the monitor only to see her sleeping soundly. It took me several long minutes to figure out which sense was dreaming and which was awake. I had to ask Dan to confirm that the crying was only in my head.

When Rachel came home we were in a slightly different situation. We had a not-even-one-year-old to take care of as well as a newborn who had decided to arrive so early we didn't yet have a crib for her. Rachel slept alternately in my arms and in her bassinet (one guess as to which she preferred). One night after Dan was done with work he picked us up from my mom's house and when we got home he helped the three of us into the house before going out to put the car in the garage. About four hours later - midnight! - everyone was actually asleep when the doorbell rang. Being closest to the door - asleep on the couch next to the bassinet - I peered outside and saw a man standing on our porch. I cracked the door and realized it was our neighbor from across the street looking very worried. It seems Dan and I forgot that the car was still in the driveway running. Heat blasting, headlights and radio on, the whole shebang.

I know there are some readers out there who can share a story from their experiences. If you are out there, post yours.

1 comment:

  1. Ah, the phantom cry, I still hear it all the time. I had to sleep with the baby monitor right next to my head for awhile, on high, just so I could know for sure if the sound was in my head or not!

    One of my most vivid newborn memories is from my Anna's second night home. I was so exhausted and such a new mama. She cried all night, unless she was latched on to me, and she wouldn't sleep for more than a few moments at a time. All through my pregnancy I had been adamant that MY child would never have a pacifier because they were so bad and terrible and only bad moms used them.

    That night, as I sat in tears holding my screaming newborn, I sent my husband to the nursery to find the bag of gifts I was planning to return, including a package of pacifiers. He came back, washed it and popped it in her little mouth.

    She fell asleep almost instantly and I learned my very first lesson as a mom. Never say never!