Rachel's new favorite word and other scenes

One afternoon I find my girls in the family room watching a movie, one child sitting in a cardboard box, the other crawling through one. Rachel pulls a broken box over her body and announces that it is her new outfit.

"My outfit is stupid," she tells us.

*******

Anna was recently given a Hannah Montana balloon. One side of the balloon features a picture of Miley Whatsherface, the other side is Hannah. Rachel is walking around with that balloon, chatting away to it and acting out little scenes.

She comes to me and says, "Mommy, my baby has two faces!" She tugs on the string of the balloon and tells me, "But just one leg."

After a minute she adds, "Mommy, my baby is stupid."

*******

I drag myself into the kitchen to find a snack for Anna who, judging the way she's been eating for the past month, is about to become three inches taller. I have a bit of a cold and my head hurts and my back aches as I stretch to reach the box of granola bars in my cabinet. I look down at my salivating oldest child, her hands twitching as she watches me reach into the box. "Please ask your sister if she wants a granola bar."

Without moving an inch - or taking her eyes off of the food - Anna screams: "RACHEL! DOYOUWANTAGRANOLABAR?!"

*******

Just when I think I'm totally losing my mind I give Rachel a bath - a task that would normally send me over the edge completely. Tonight though she gives me a break and is unusually calm and complaint-free. I start to relax when she "swims" up to the side of the tub and places her wet, broadly smiling face an inch from mine. She studies my face for a long moment and then giggles. "Ahhh, we have the same eyes." She pats my cheek with her wet hand and "swims" away.

She didn't even call me stupid.

I fully admit I have only myself to blame

This morning my baby stood in the doorway of the kitchen and bellowed the following at me:

"HEL-LOOO! I am still waiting for my water!"

Sigh.

Overheard in the three-year-old classroom

When I first started working with three-year-olds I was warned about the pitfalls - the tantrums, the messes, the inordinate amount of bodily fluids. I've been lucky enough to have amazing kids in my classes though - bright, sweet, adorable and endlessly entertaining. One of the best parts of my job is the moments of unexpected hilarity, courtesy of the preschool mind.

Girl 1: I like your dress.
Girl 2: Thank you. It's MINE.

*******

Boy (holding toy phone): Emergency, emergency, come quick, my baby is sick!
Girl (runs across room and sits in front of Boy)
Boy: This is only for the emergency.
Girl: I AM emergency.

*******

Boy: Did you know my Grandpa?
Teacher: No, I didn't.
Boy: He died.
Teacher: I'm sorry to hear that.
Boy: Yeah. Hashem killed him.

*******

Boy (exiting bathroom stall): You know, when I just go pee-pee I only wash my hands with water.
Teacher: Well toilets have lots of germs, so whenever you touch a toilet you should use soap.
Boy: But when I just touch my penis it's ok.

*******

And finally, this gem, shared with me by a parent:

Boy: Guess what? Today we learned about vulva!
Mom: Really. What did you learn about it?
Boy: Well, it's really dangerous. And hot. And you never ever touch it.
Mom: Ok... so, where do you find this vulva?
Boy: In volcanoes.